it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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