I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
