I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
