as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
