Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
