I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
you made out with another girl for some wings
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
