My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize