why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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