peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
