She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Randomize
