you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
