My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
