yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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