epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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