my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize