3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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