I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
