me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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