i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
