I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
