I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
