Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
