I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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