why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Drunk is not a location!
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