I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
