I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
