I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Just cropdusted the office
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I cut my penus on the lid.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
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