what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
