An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
