This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
