I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
