i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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