new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My liver is preforming stress tests.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
