my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize