haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
