I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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