I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
