I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
