Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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