Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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