do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
