capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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