do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
