i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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