Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Are my feet made of real feet?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
