but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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