your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
high people should be assigned attendants
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
