So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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