i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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