i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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