I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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