I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
