Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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