It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
