the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Gay?
German.
Pity.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
