How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
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