I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
