the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
