I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
