i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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