it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
