Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
