Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
