I got chris browned last night
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
