I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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