i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize