Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
