he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
