The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
