I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I could fuck to npr.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
