A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
