go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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