I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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