Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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