oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
