i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
bring money and cleavage
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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