so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
