i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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