Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
