Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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