I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
