Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
where are you?
Hypothermia
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
