I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
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