Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Boobs are out for the taking
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
