Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
