grandma shit on top of the toilet
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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