Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize