Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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