we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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