Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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