he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
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