I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
