I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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