This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
