That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
